The 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Of All Time
What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!
These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn’t matter if it’s lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while pedaling everyday products.
Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!
15. White Bread Demon
“Bread is swell, but what I’m really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!”
14. French Suicide Sausage
It’s enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever.
13. A Girl Around The House
It’s nice to have a girl around the house… especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!
12. Chubby
Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.
11. Christmas Weapons
The family that guns together, has funs together.
10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger.
Sexy?
9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking
She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn’t “store test” for fresher coffee?
8. Fry’s Chocolate Nightmare
Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable.
7. Root Beer Baby!
Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying.
6. Locked Out
You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door.
5. Pears Soap Disaster
“Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won’t notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!”
4. Postage Meter Murder
“Is it always illegal to kill a woman?” This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter.
3. Shave Yourself
The old man baby’s gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!
2. Baby Soft
JonBenét Ramsey, eat your heart out. (Too soon?) This ad makes us want to scream, gouge out our eyes and then barf.
1. Chocolate Poulain
Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep.
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
The ad that advises women to use Lysol as a douche has to be the most reprehensible of this group! Wringing all of the guilt out of a sexual relationship is manipulative and can hardly be justified, especially with the present connotation of the disinfectant qualities of Lysol…hardly a product to be applied to a person’s private parts!
They are all so creepy and disgusting, how can one choose the worst of the lot?
Oh…
my…
God.
What were those ad reps thinking?! Those are all so wrong, I can’t even think of all the ways they’re wrong! Sometimes, a little political correctness isn’t such a bad thing.
Hands down, “Baby Soft”. Ick . The others were varied levels of disgusting/sad/bewildering, and ultimately, mostly funny.
@Bill
Well, those were the cocaine and drug days.
These products are the birth of their mind induced narcotics. =P
Mhm.
Ok, men beating wives, child neglect, innocence is sexy!! To bad are nation isn’t as “Conservative” as it use to be!!
” . . . but what I’m really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!”
BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
these ads are interesting and its cool to see what society accepted back then..but the author of this article and poster of these photos…hmmm…not my cuppa tea at all
Not that I’m defending anything here, but that’s clearly a different kind of Lysol than what we use today. It looks like a clear glass bottle.
So it’s not quite the same as advocating that you use the spray bottle you keep under the sink…
These are the finest products capitalism has ever brought us. Now shut up and consume.
5 and 2 are the worst I have seen but they are all pretty reprehensible!
good ol’ Corporate America! Steer Clear!!!
I have to say, the French suicide sausage is just about the goriest ad I’ve seen. Although they’re all so nasty it’s hard to choose.
I would like to see the marketing proposal that put forward the “Pears” advert….anyone know what year this is? It seems like it might relate to things going on in the world at the time of publication.
I think the “Pears” ad references the old adage “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” – basically, families took baths oldest to youngest and the water would be so dark at the end that the baby might get thrown out.
…there just are not enough words to decribe, just this feeling in the pit of my stomach. How did our parents make it through those decades without cerebral damage? Explains the arrival of the little yellow pills!