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The Libertarian Blog of Stephan Kinsella
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September 30, 2004
Breeding Licensing Threads and Posts:
In response to this LewRockwell.com blog post, License to Breed (2), these replies and threads sprang up:
Replies: 1, 2, 3
Threads: Kinsella Wants To License Breeding (No Treason)
September 29, 2004
Immigration Threads and Posts:
In response to this LewRockwell.com blog post, Immigration Idea (2; about selling citizenship, and No Treason's Chattering Punks), and Hoppe's article on immigration, these threads sprang up (my reply: Palmer on Hoppe, Hoppe on Coase, and Re: Palmer on Hoppe):
Recent LRC Blogs:
Recent LewRockwell.com blog posts:
At least:
I've discovered you can pepper many sentences with "at least" to really change its meaning and annoy someone. For example, if you are going to walk the dogs and baby and the wife is upstairs, you could say, "Could you please drop the baby's socks down?" or you could say, "Could you at least please drop the baby's socks down?" The latter can really annoy someone.
The Humble, Dead Eyes of Angels in America:
Three comments.
1. There is a little town north of Houston, named Humble. For some reason it's pronounced the Eliza Doolittle way, 'umble. It's disconcerting to hear Houston truckdrivers refer to 'umble. I just can't say it. I have to say Humble. It sounds like too much an affectation to say 'umble.
2. In movies when someone finds dead body with the eyes open, they do this weird wave of the hand where the open hand closes they eyes. What the f*** is that? When were we supposed to have learned this trick, right after we catch flies with chopsticks?
3. This stock scene in movies is annoying: where a repressed or unable-to-state-their-true feelings repressed conservative Hollywood stereotype is hugged and is unable to return the hug... his hand sort of cups into an "I want to hug you" motion but just can't complete it. What nauseous Hollywood crizzap. (Sorry, Jesse, I guess I'm still "bitter and hate-filled.")
4. Just saw Angels in America. It makes me realize, liberal homosexuals think it's all about them.
September 24, 2004
Acrobat Sucks:
It is mind-boggling that there is not an easy way to convert a huge, memory-sucking color-scanned PDF file into a black and white file.
September 23, 2004
Pregnant Yuppies' Willful Ignorance:
Another annoyance: pregnant couples who refuse to find out the sex of their baby during the pregnancy. They want a surprise when the baby is born. Give me a break. This glassy-eyed, grinning-idiot, happy-shit granola crunching crap is more than I can stand.
September 21, 2004
Pretentious, Smug, Hollywood F**ks:
Daddy forgot what he was gonna write. Too much Knob Creek.
Jurisdiction Stripping Discussion:
Being discussed on my law blog.
September 20, 2004
Best Movies:
I mean ones that have staying power, that are very enjoyable, and that you like to watch multiple times. Off top of my head, these are:
4 Stars
Sound of Music
Godfather 1 and 2
Star Wars IV, V, VI
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Groundhog Day
Terminator 2
Aliens
Moonstruck
Matrix 1
Dr. Zhivago
ET
Annie Hall
The Graduate
Finding Nemo
3.5 Stars
some of the Star Trek movies, like 1, 2, 3, 4
Ordinary People
Poltergeist
Tempest
Life of Brian
Manhattan
***
Some of these were suggested by Paul Comeaux, along w/ some others I didn't include, such as the pretentious black and white ones everyone pretends to like but never really watch (like Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, All About Eve, even Clockwork Orange, which is dated and almost laughable now in some ways, etc.).
Any more obvious ones I'm missing? (Roger Ebert has a list of great movies, I need to check it out...)
September 19, 2004
Chinese Food:
A turnoff: When yuppies and bobos (bourgeouis bohemians) are portrayed by Hollywood as ordering Chinese food and eating it with chopsticks right out of the little box off of a coffee table. I have never in my life seen this. Rather, every normal person I've ever seen order chinee food puts the little containers on the kitchen counter and everyone gets a plate and takes what he wants, buffet style. Everyone uses a plate. And no one ever uses chopsticks.
If you ate right out the box, how would people share? What, do you eat a whole box of panda fried rice on your own, with nothing else? And right out the box? With chopstix? Getting little rice thingies all over your den/carpet/coffee table? Please. This is even more annoying than the laugh track in sit-coms, or when characters in sitcoms enter someone's house and leave the front door open.
September 16, 2004
A Comment on My Annoying/Pretentious/Cool Words List:
Another cool word--hapless. And in that vein--witless, and half-wit.
Now: Chris Powers (or so he calls himself) wrote me re my list of Annoying/Pretentious Terms. I agree on all his annoying terms. Re his cool terms: I don't find many of them especially cool (but road salt has potential), but don't find any of them annoying at least. Re the 6 am words, not sure what the criteria are. but I would agree that you don't want to hear fungus followed by plump or cackle.
Chris's letter:
I enjoyed reading your Annoying/Pretentious Terms page while looking up "Götterdämmerung" this evening, and thought I'd offer a few of my own.
Annoying:
"having said that" or "that said" instead of still or nevertheless
"going forward" instead of "from now on"
"fair question" as in "That's a fair question"
whilst instead of while
wordsmith
Cool:
gun camera
orbital
mechanics
cognitive style
carbolic
acid
road salt
phasic
Words you don't want to hear at 6am because they just sound annoying:
ilk
smigden
fungus
plump
cackle
filtch
snickerdoodle
torso
participle
That's it. Enjoyed the links, too, especially the physics and libertarian ones.
September 15, 2004
Stupid People:
Things people do that instantly persuade me they are fricking morons and technically illiterate:
1. They tell me they can't open a PDF file I created. It's usually because I save it in 6.0 format and you have to have Acrobat Reader 5.0 or above to view it. The person usually has 4.0 and does not even realize it. IDIOT.
2. They tell me an URL in an email I sent them does not work. They are too stupid to realize the URL was broken in two and they are too clueless to paste it together.
3. Their email is sent to me in plain text. Meaning they are too fucking stupid to turn on the HTML.
4. People too fucking stupid to configure their email to send their proper name plus their email address.
5. I send them an email with a file attached and every time they reply to me they send me the file ack.
6. People who have never learned CTRL-C, CTRL-X, and CTRL-V for copy, cut, paste, and instead use the stupid mouse to drop down the edit window to cumbersomly cut and paste.
7. Also annoying, but not necessarily "stupid," is the habit of some people putting their names in email messages in a large, stupid script font, sometimes in a different color. People: LESS IS MORE.
8. Ryan McMaken also pointed out to me--"I'm suspicious of anyone who uses one email for the whole family -- i.e. 'Jones Family.'"
September 14, 2004
A word I've never used:
"Behest". And I frankly, without shame, admit that I feel a cold burning hatred for anyone who uses this word.
Aww Man, She was HOT too!:
'Growing Pains' Actress Gold Arrested . Pix.
Scan to PDF:
I need some help/advice from any tech/geeks out there. I am going paperless and scanning lots of paper documents into PDF files.
I have a Visioneer scanner. It sucks, but still. I use it with Adobe Acrobat 6.0 (which also sucks, like all things hardware and software) to scan lots of documents into PDF. This is very slow. The worst thing is it invokes the PaperPort 8.0 Scan Manager, which is slow, and also, it pops up a fucking scan manager screen every time it scans the next page. I can get nothing done on my PC when it's scannig, it ties up the whole fucking screen.
I want a better way to fucking simply scan documents into PDF. Faster, and does it in background. And works with my fucking Visioneer scanner.
I was thinking of buying PaperPort 9.0 Deluxe. I don't give a crap about its ability to do document management but I want a simple, easy, fast way to use my fucking scanner to create PDF files, in the background.
Any advice or recos from geeks out there would be appreciated. Please don't tell me to get a new fucking scanner or mail the docs to Thailand to do it on the cheap.
Stephan
Stupid Names:
I know all the free market guys are boo-hooing Aaron Director's death. Sure. I agree. De mortuis nil nisi bonum and all that.
But you know, it reminds me. Because I have always hated the stupid double-A name "Aaron". Way too ethnic or pretentious or something. Why not Aaaaaaron. And then he has that last name--"Director". Hey, how about Stephan Cinematographer. Gag me.
Almost as bad as stupid names like Judge or Marshall or Gouvenor. Or Dean. Or Major. "How do you do. I'm Judge Reinhold." No--you're not a damn judge! Who would name their kid "major"? Major idiots. Major Woody and Private Parts, reporting for duty, sir.
A cool word:
Shrapnel. It just sounds so.... flinty-hard Germanic, almost brittle, almost onomatopoeic. Say it. You can just hear a German soldier say, "Watch out for zee SHRAPNEL!" "Acch! Hans was torn apart by zee shrap-nel!" You can picture little jagged pieces of metal flying out, flaying flesh.
Other cool words.
Anarchist Quotes:
Some good anarchist quotes from B.K. Marcus's BlackCrayon website, including one by yours truly. A good one, if I do say so my aphorismed self.
September 13, 2004
Office Interlopers and Timewasting Meetings:
Or do I repeat myself. I hate meetings. Drive me crazy. Take too long. People too slow. They don't get to they want me there when I have no need to be there. They don't get to the point. I often try to find ways to get out of them or make them less unproductive. I'll pretend like I'm ducking out for a bathroom break and stay gone 20 minutes. Or I'll bring in some material I need to review or a patent application I need to work on and do it while others drone on. Or I'll clean out my cell phone text message in box or phone directory.
Sometimes I call my office number from my cell phone. This causes it to automatically call my cell phone 2 or 3 minutes later (I have it programmed to do this). So I answer the cell phone, acting like it's an important business call, and duck out for 30 minutes.
A couple times I tried this: I'm in the office for a Saturday meeting that does not (in my nonbiased judgment) need my presense. I leave my yellow pad, pen, and coffee cup on the table and walk out. Everyone assumes I'm going to the bathroom. But I simply go to my car and leave. Unfortunately, then you leave a reminder that you are not there, that you never returned. They will razz you the next day -- "Hey, I saw that coffee cup trick! you didn't return!" But if you take you stuff with you when you leave, everyone sees you packing up and knows your intentions. Darn it, catch 22!
Another time-waster. For some reason people always plop down in my office to chat. People I don't want to talk to. I stare at the ceiling and try to answer minimally, hoping they'll just leave. I've taken to closing my door or even locking it so people have to knock. That sometimes scares bullshitters. A couple days ago a guy was in my office and was making small talk that drove me nuts. So I held my cell phone under the desk and dialed my office number. When my office phone rang, I put on a pained expression like, sorry to be unable to hear the ending to your story, and held up my hand and said, "sorry, gotta take this--" and they shuffle out.
Other tricks I use: I stand up and act like I need to go to the bathroom or get some coffee or something, and they walk out with me. Another trick: when I hear the voice of a frequent interloper outside the office, instead of sitting there and waiting for them to stop by my office next, I'll duck out and head to the bathroom or coffee room, so I am not there when they would likely pass by.
Yet more semantic moronity:
A colleague just told me he needs to investigate something so will go online and "goggle" it.
September 10, 2004
Wives and Football:
Wife and I are both at work. She rings me.
WIFE: Hey. A guy here has two good tickets to a Houston, Texans football game next month. A Sunday in October. Want to go?
ME: Ummmmm.
ME: Ummmm. That's pro, right?
WIFE: Of course.
ME: Ummm, well, no, not really.
WIFE: Really?
ME: Yeah. I have no desire in seeing a pro football game. Momma knows Daddy only likes to watch LSU college football. And tennis. And motocross.
WIFE: But the tickets are free?
ME: Well, frankly, I'd rather sit at home and read a book.
WIFE: You're so boring.
ME: Look, go marry some neanderthal jock if that's what you want. Anyway, I'll go with you if you want. I don't mind. But you asked me if I wanted to go. I have no positive, independent desire to go, but I'll go with you as a favor if you want.
WIFE: They are good seats.
ME: Okay. Maybe we can leave early.
WIFE: Sure.
ME: Maybe we could bring Mr. Bean? (i.e., Ethan, aka Butterbean)
WIFE: Uhhh, I guess. I don't see why not. I don't think a baby needs his own ticket, does he?
ME: I dunno. We can try it.
ME: Alright. Let's do it. I'm pumped up. Really. Rah rah.
September 9, 2004
Brutal Writing:
I despise the way most journalists write their stories. They start out by alluding to something that happened but you have to read way into the story to sort of "unwind" it to figure out what the hell they are talking about. And sometimes it's never clear. Take this example: Man wanted in brutal carjacking. It starts off:
September 8, 2004 — The search for a suspect in a brutal carjacking continues in Algonquin and Lake in the Hills. The vehicle and another suspect were found in the north suburbs but the carjacking and shooting took place in Chicago.
The Lake in the Hills Police Department dispatchers fielded about a dozen calls from residents concerned about suspicious people in the area. As the search for the second suspect continues, a man taken into custody a couple of days ago after the carjacking and police chase has been transferred to Chicago
Police Department. Detectives are questioning him, but he has not been charged yet.
They refer to "the carjacking" as if we know what they are referring to. Oh--the BRUTAL one. That one. I see.
I hate this meandering, evasive, elusive, evocative type of writing. I prefer it to be direct. Plain. Start from the beginning, explain any context, clearly state conclusions and opinions.
Quote on life:
I recall a quote by Andy Warhol or someone else pop-ish like him, something like, "We're trapped in this game called life, and we're not gonna make it out alive." Anyone know the original quote? I can't find it or remember it exactly.
September 8, 2004
Kinsella for Judge:
A couple years ago the Texas LP convinced me to run for judge on the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.
There was a pretty funny interview that came out of it, in LightReading, an optics industry magazine.
God-Trips:
And speaking of drug-experimentation... check out the posts on this thread by Tetrahedron Omega (aka Count Lithium von Chloride, aka James Redford) on his various drug trips and how they allegedly generates various so-called Levels of so-called God-Trips and all kinds of so-called direct revelation. I think he actually believes this stuff.
In a recent article by him that was called to my attention, Jesus is an Anarchist, I noticed this sign off, which led me to wonder about this Omega Point and Direct Revelation:
Born in Austin, Texas and raised in the Leander, Texas hill country, the native-born Augustinian James Redford is a young born again Christian who was converted from atheism by a direct revelation from Jesus Christ. He is a scientific rationalist who considers that the Omega Point (i.e., the physicists'
technical term for God) is an unavoidable result of the known laws of physics. His personal website can be found here: http://geocities.com/vonchloride
Per Christian Malloch:
My wife wonders why I sometimes tend to attract ... strange people as friends. I am not sure. But it does happen on occasion. After all, I am a libertarian. So some of my friends are from that group, which probably tends to draw a disproportionate share of weirdos.
Anyway. A student named Per Christian Malloch emailed me sometime in the late 1990s I believe (probably 1997-98 or so), with some bizarre, mocking, but not entirely unfriendly comments about Hans Hoppe’s argumentation ethics and some of my related rights theories. I think he was initially silly, saying things like "I'm so Hoppy I found Hoppe."
We ended up corresponding for a while. He was a very bright young student at Columbia at the time, as I recall. He was also into Satanism, and we corresponded about that too. I think it's silly, but did not realize until he enlightened me that Satanism is apparently not about evil or Satan. I think. Whatever.
Per was into video games and writing about them, and weird projects like The Chicken Musical. I once theorized he had made up his name since it seemed to connote "Of Good and Evil" ("Per" meaning of, or pertaining to; Christian meaning good; and Mal meaning "evil") which seems to go along with his obsession with amoralism, Satanism, even libertarianism. He never replied to this question, when I asked him. (It always bugs me when people simply evade a direct question.)
He must also have been into drugs because he apparently overdosed and was found dead in his dorm room or apartment in November 2000 (obituary). I found out from an email subject lined “Remembering Per” from one of his friends, who must have found Per’s email address list and sent it out. As I recall the others on the list appeared to be a bunch of black-leather wearing Goth types. I asked one of them what happened and I believe he told me about the drugs, but I have lost the emails.
Anyhoo, Per sent me a couple of articles, which I recently found and scanned (Daddy's going paperless big-time). So I posted them here: Amoralism in One Lesson and The Theory of the Satanic Ritual and Satanic Magic.
Per was obviously bright, but burned out and snuffed out what would in all likelihood have been an interesting, possibly intellectually productive, life. Sad. De mortuis nil nisi bonum.
Coda: In Jan. 2005, a friend of Per's, Canon Pence (so-called), stumbled across my post about Per and sent me this: For Per: Collected Works of Per Malloch, compiled by Canon Pence, 10/6/2001–12/6/2001.
Coda 2: In August 2005, I received this email:
By chance, I came across your blog article about Per Malloch. In it you write, "I once theorized he had made up his name since it seemed to connote "Of Good and Evil" ("Per" meaning of, or pertaining to; Christian meaning good; and Mal meaning "evil") which seems to go along with his obsession with amoralism, Satanism, even libertarianism. He never replied to this question, when I asked him. (It always bugs me when people simply evade a direct question.)"
I can provide a bit of resolution, though I imagine you'll be disappointed. I worked with Per's father during the time that he (renowned broadcaster and composer/musicologist William Malloch) and Per's mother were married and subsequently conceived Per. They were living at Bill's long-time family home on Windsor Blvd in the Larchmont neighborhood of Los Angeles, near Hollywood. I'm not sure how Bill met his wife (and cannot recall her name, it was so long ago), but their wedded bliss was short-lived and not long after Per was born, she took the baby and left for home, which was in Scandinavia. (She was a stunningly beautiful woman, very Scandinavian looking -- statuesque, blond, very pretty.) Bill was deeply bereft, not of her leaving, but of her taking their son; there was nothing he could do about it, however.
During the ensuing years, Per would visit his father for several weeks each year, and the two would "bach it" at the house on Windsor. Since I was working there doing research, copying parts, etc., I would see their interaction. They were very close, and nothing was too good for his son, as far as Bill was concerned. I remember one morning arriving for work and the two of them were starting in on their second pound of fried bacon! And giggling with delight the whole time. Per was a tow-headed 4 or 5 year old at the time, but built like a boy Viking.
Anyway, to answer your question about Per's name, his mother chose his name, Per Christian, after family members on her side; of course he got Bill's surname. And he also got Bill's "pun"ishing sense of humor, apparently. Anyway, that's all I had to tell you.
Jeannie [xx] I wrote her back: "interesting; I am not disappointed, I am glad to finally have an answer to my question. Some of his goth (?) friends informed me of his death, since I guess I was on his email list. But I never heard the story. Was he just precocious? Experimenting w/ drugs? Depressed? What happened? He was very bright. It is sad."
Her reply, somewhat expurgated:
I worked with Per's father, award-winning broadcaster and composer/musicologist William Malloch, during the time when he and Per's mother were married. They were living at Bill's family home on Windsor Blvd in the Larchmont neighborhood of Los Angeles, near Hollywood. I don't know how Bill met his wife, Gudrun, but their marriage was short-lived and dissolved not long after Per was born. Gudrun took the baby and returned home to Scandinavia. Gudrun was a strikingly beautiful woman, statuesque, blond and blue-eyed. Bill was deeply bereft, not of her leaving, but of her taking their son; there was nothing he could do about it, however.
During the ensuing years, Per would visit his father for several weeks each year, and the two would "bach' it" at the house on Windsor. When I was working there assisting Bill's research on authentic tempi of Handel's music, I would see their interaction. They were very close, and nothing was too good for his son, as far as Bill was concerned. I remember one morning arriving for work and the two of them were starting in on their second pound of fried bacon, and giggling with delight the whole time. Per was a tow-headed boy with shining blue eyes, only 4 or 5 years old at the time, but built like a boy Viking. He was a sweet boy, but very strong-minded once he made his mind up about something.
As I recall, Gudrun chose his name, Per Christian, after family members on her side; of course he bore the Malloch surname. He also inherited Bill's "pun"-ishing sense of humor, apparently.
Jeannie [x]
September 7, 2004
Road to Hellville:
I made the mistake of seeing parts of the 1994 movie The Road to Wellville on HBO this weekend. I believe it is just about The Worst movie I have ever seen. Like an Ishtar, but worse, because it gives you this grimy, unsettling feeling watching it. It's almost worth watching if only to see how horrible it is. There's a horrible scene when Anthony Hopkins actually makes Mathew Broderick crap into a pan and then examines the stool and criticizes it for being too smelly. Endless stuff like that. It's really ghastly. And I am flabbergasted--Ebert gave it 3 stars....
September 3, 2004
More Terms and Expressions that Bug Me:
In a chat with mi amigo Jeremy Sapienza, we were ranting over expressions we hate, and also hickisms.
For example: people who say ICKsetera or exetera, for et cetera.
My mom says, instead of "This morning," "tuh-smornin'". Where I come from, they call a water hose a "hose pipe", a wash cloth is a "rag", and a closet is a "locker". And going grocery shopping is called "makin' groceries", as in, I was out makin' groceries. And Bill Clinton just "caught a heart attack"--you know, like you catch a cold, you can catch a heart attack.
The only improvement we Southrons made to the language is "y'all." Much better than you'ns or yous, or even "you" for plural.
However, most people are too stupid to spell it right, they spell it "ya'll". No comprehension of what the apostrophe is really for. Speaking of contractions--there was a great hamburger place in Baton Rouge, but the way they spelled their name bugged me: The Ground Pat'i. I'm like you dumb idiots. The ' is meant to replace missing stuff, like in can't it replaces "no" and in y'all it replaces ou. What does it replace in "Pat'i"? the letter "t"?? Idiots. Morons.
Another pet peeve is using an apostrophe for plural, as in cat's when you mean cats. Or, even worse: it's for its. A sign of utter stupidity and illiteracy.
A friend recently saw something on my blog, and he said, "Isn't the blog wonderful?" Uhhh, "the blog"? as if it's the Internet. As if there is one big "blog" out there that my blog sits on or something. I'm like, let the professionals use the tech talk, dude. Don't try it on your own.
This guy I know keeps talking aobut Iraqians. Uhhh, Iraqis, you mean? As Jeremy says, "he needs to be sausage. call Sweeney Todd." Which means, stupid people are more valuable as sausage; Sweeney Todd is a reference to a play where this guy who returns to London from the Aussie penal colony he cuts the throats of all the people who crossed him decades back, and sends them down to the pie maker downstairs who makes mincemeat and sausage out of them.
Another one that irks me is these stupid over-the-top I'm proud to be a New Yawk Eye-tie types who refer to pizza as "pie". Look, pie is fricking lemon or chocolage pie, you know, dessert, not pizza. And the sing-song term pizza-pie is even worse, makes you sound like a silly Italian. Stupid New Yorker Italian pizza maker types. Pie means apple. Like I'm gonna call "Pie Hut" for delivery. Domino's Pies Delivers. Gag me.
And I hate it when people refer to soft drinks as "sodas". Or worse, "pop". It's a soft drink, man! And these stupid yankees who say that Southerners refer generically to all soft drinks as "Coke"--I'm from Louisiana and don't recall ever once hearing someone do that. Anyway--hi, I'll have a sodee-pop? What are we, in the friggin' '50s? Hi, I'm a soda-jerk!
Speaking of jerk--that's anoher one: the stupid name "Jerk Chicken". Give me a break. I knoq, I know, Jeremy tells me, "but that's the name!" Well I dont like it. Jeremy says, "it' Jamaican dumbass!" I say, no excuse! "Jerk" chicken. Harumph! How about Choke Chicken? Or Jolt Cola (oops). If you can have jerk chicken, why not shake trout, or whiplash pig. Or vibrate duck.
And i hate the word "condom". When I grew up, it was RUBBER.
All this stupid Dilbert lingo drives me nuts. Stupid buzzwords. Like, "Well, to look at this more closely, let's copter down to the blueprint level". Also: "Mission critical". Anyone who uses buzzwords is in a low level job.
I hate that accent of Kerry when he said "in a fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan," sounded like Thurston Howell the III. What's up with people who name their kids after themselves? I mean get over yourself. Jesus.
It's kind of funny how people call J.C. Penney "Jacque Puh-NAY". Target is called Tarzhay. Or Neiman Marcus Needless Markup.
My wife likes HGTV but why do they always have a stupidly low budget on this fix-up design shows. Like, remodel the family room for $750! "We can make a lampshade for $2! All you need is some beeswax and old newspaper!" Wooooo.
Back on lingo--the illiterates where I grew up also say "come" instead of "came," as in "Yestiddy he come over to the house." And they say "cain't" instead of "can't". "Ah cain't hep it, Steph." And they say "Aint" for Aunt. Mah aint betsy. It's better than the New England way of saying Ahhhhnt. But I was raised with Aint Janice and Aint Myrtle etc.
Now what they really need to do is standardize the informal term for grandmother and grandfather. It's too diverse. There is mammy, pappy, meemaw, Maw Maw, Ma Ma, Granma, Grammy. Me, I prefer Maw Maw and Paw Paw, me. (Another Coonass-ism from South Louisiana is repeat "me" at the end of a sentence, as in, "I'm gonna get me some crawfish, me.") And if you need to distinguish, the first name of the husband, or something like that. For example, my grandparents were Bill and Pep Rodgers, and Pete and Theda Kinsella. So we called them, natrally, Maw Maw Bill and Paw Paw Bill... and... Maw Maw Kin and Paw Paw Kin. See, in Louisiana you call adults by their first name, but with Mr. or Mrs. So my neighbor quite literally was Mr. Ed and Mrs. Mary Jo. I still call him Mr. Ed when I see him. Except they say "Miss" for Mrs. so my mother in law is Miss Sue. No one sais "mizz-rizz" or "misses" for Mrs. They say "Miss".
A guy just emailed in a list I'm on: "There is no cut-and-dry way to determine this..." Uhhh cut and DRIED maybe? People are so STUPID. Same dumbasses say "ice tea". WTF is ice tea? Tea made from ice?It's ICED TEA, MORON.
CODA: Jesse Ogden has a funny take (2) on this. Yes, I admit it, I'm a language nazi! My way or the highway, pal! While I might have seemingly arbitrary exceptions for some deviations from standard rules, by and large my exceptions are based on an aversion to deviations from (a) yankees ("pop"); (b) fops and other pretentious types ("ahhhnt" or "at university"); or (c) where the expression is just goofy (quoting Mr. Dooley; hey, presto!; willy-nilly).
Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue:
The latest from the indefatigable Tucker Max is disgustingly hilarious. Is a warning really necessary?
Cats v. Dogs:
Someone emailed this to me. It's hilarious.
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 283 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering last night of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time ....
September 1, 2004
Jag-warrr:
In the TV commercials for Jaguar cars, there is an American asking, "Honey, should we get the blue Jaguar, or the green one?" She pronounces it "Jagg-war", as we do. Then the pretentious Brit announcer chimes in about the "JAG-yoo-ar". God. Gag me.
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